Self-pity makes me sentimental. When self-pity is dominant I deny responsibility ; one way of achieving this is the desire for endless travel – so long as I travel I have no responsibilities.In general, endless activity is usually a hallmark of the flight from self-pity. Despite the activity the person is never satisfied. For example :

1. Self-pity leads to travel as the expression of endless activity.
2. Self-pity (as a mode of guilt) leads to housework or business as the expressions of endless activity. [The workaholic person].
3. Self-pity (as a mode of jealousy) leads to duty as the expression of endless moral activity. [²]

This endless activity is the attempt to overcome the sense of failure. That is:

1. Self-pity implies the sense of social failure.
2. Self-pity (as a mode of guilt) implies the sense of spiritual failure, or the failure of idealism.
3. Self-pity (as a mode of jealousy) implies the sense of personal failure, that is, the failure to be an individual.

Envy

Envy is not always easy to separate from jealousy. Envy is behind the worst forms of destructiveness. Envy prefers to destroy, jealousy (love mode) prefers to control. Both envy and jealousy make the person seek social company ; but whereas jealousy seeks social involvement, envy lets the person rest content with being a social observer. When envy is dominant in me I like to have afternoon tea in a tea shop and watch the world go by (however, sometimes my mood then changes to jealousy in self-pity mode as loneliness arises).

In childhood, envy of the general character traits of a parent appears as a lack of attachment towards that parent (envy is one of the factors that underlie autism). The difference here between hate and envy is that hate can be considered to be a negative attachment, whilst envy destroys and neutralises any attachment so long as the child is in a position of inequality with the parent. [³]

Anxiety

Anxiety is a cerebral emotion: when it is intense it ‘fogs’ the mind, producing mental tiredness and the incapacity for intellectual work. I feel it most in my eyes as a regular ache, which generates a sensitivity to bright light. When I am writing or typing under a bright light I control the eye-ache by regularly splashing my eyes with cold water, perhaps every half hour or so. Both the mental tiredness and the ache are intensified when combined with any mode of self-pity.

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