How to Deal with Anger in Relationships
When two people are in a relationship and therefore spend a significant time together, they are bound to get angry at each other at one point or another. How a couple deals with this anger is a key in having a successful and lasting relationship. Fact is, anger in relationships, if handled properly can even strengthen relationships. Here are some tips on how to deal with anger in relationships:
- If you are angry at your partner about something, talk it out within 48 hours and if you cannot or be unable to, just let it go and forget about it. Sometimes, if you don't talk about small things that bother you, they can build up until you just explode turning these small issues into a big fight.
- Contrary to what is widely believed and advised to couples, it is okay to go to bed angry. The relationship is just one aspect of your life and you need sleep to be able to handle the other matters in your life. If the other person is not ready to talk about the problem, you can put it off for another day just as long as the problem is resolved the soonest.
- Stick with the issues and do not bring up past issues in a fight. You also do not have to hit below the belt. Always remember to respect your partner no matter how angry you are.
- You should not resort to name-calling in an argument. Sometimes, even the terms of endearment that you use for each other can be misinterpreted as mocking and patronizing if used at the heat of the argument.
- Listen to what the other has to say and do not interupt your partner. You should also look at each other while speaking.
- Try to start your sentences with “I” instead of “You”. This shows that you are not accusing your partner of anything.
- Avoid using “never” and “always” in your statements during the argument.
- Do not act and speak in a threatening manner and voice. Do not yell nor scream.
- Set a time limit at being angry with your partner as this is meant to be a temporary situation only. Do not let anger gnaw on you indefinitely.
If however, you find yourself really mad at your partner and cannot, how hard you try to stay calm and speak gently, there are some things you can do to prevent exploding. Take some deep and slow breaths and count slowly until you calm down. If these still do not help in calming you down, take a time out of the situation and leave.
It is important though not to think about the situation at this moment as repeatedly thinking of what made you angry only prolongs your anger and can make you more upset. However, do not make your partner wait for you to come back from dealing with your anger for more than two hours. It is not fair to make the other person suffer with guilt and worry.
Anger in relationships is not a problem because all couples will have issues that could trigger anger with each other. It is not knowing how to manage this anger that provides difficulties in relationships everywhere.