How to Deal with Anger in Relationships: 9 Tips and The FAR Model


anger in relationship

What is anger?

According to the American Phycological Association , anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward something or someone you feel has deliberately done something wrong to you. They also explain that anger can be good because it will give you the opportunity to express negative feelings or motivate you to change a situation. On the other hand, anger that is con transform in a positive way can cause mental and health problems.

What are the three types of anger?. The three types of anger are: 1) Passive Aggression, this is the case when people do not like confrontation. Therefore, they react in a silent manner and pretending that everything is fine. 2) Open Aggression, is when people fight, accuse, shout, use sarcasm and bully others. And, 3) Assertive Anger, this is the healthy way to deal with anger because it means that the person is dealing with the situation. It means thinking before to speak and being confident .

How to Deal with Anger in Relationships

When two people are in a relationship and therefore spend a significant time together, they are bound to get angry at each other at one point or another. How a couple deals with this anger is a key in having a successful and lasting relationship. Fact is, anger in relationships, if handled properly can even strengthen relationships. Here are some tips on how to deal with anger in relationships:

  1. If you are angry at your partner about something, talk it out within 48 hours and if you cannot or be unable to, just let it go and forget about it. Sometimes, if you don’t talk about small things that bother you, they can build up until you just explode turning these small issues into a big fight.
  2. Contrary to what is widely believed and advised to couples, it is okay to go to bed angry. The relationship is just one aspect of your life and you need sleep to be able to handle the other matters in your life. If the other person is not ready to talk about the problem, you can put it off for another day just as long as the problem is resolved the soonest.
  3. Stick with the issues and do not bring up past issues in a fight. You also do not have to hit below the belt. Always remember to respect your partner no matter how angry you are.
  4. You should not resort to name-calling in an argument. Sometimes, even the terms of endearment that you use for each other can be misinterpreted as mocking and patronizing if used at the heat of the argument.
  5. Listen to what the other has to say and do not interrupt your partner. You should also look at each other while speaking.
  6. Try to start your sentences with “I” instead of “You”. This shows that you are not accusing your partner of anything. You can say for example: I feel sad that you did such and such thing.
  7. Avoid using “never” and “always” in your statements during the argument. Do not say: you always do this. Try to find other ways to communicate to avoid more fighting and arguments.
  8. Do not act and speak in a threatening manner and voice. Do not yell nor scream.
  9. Set a time limit at being angry with your partner as this is meant to be a temporary situation only. Do not let anger gnaw on you indefinitely.

If however, you find yourself really mad at your partner and cannot, how hard you try to stay calm and speak gently, there are some things you can do to prevent exploding. Take some deep and slow breaths and count slowly until you calm down. If these still do not help in calming you down, take a time out of the situation and leave.

It is important though not to think about the situation at this moment as repeatedly thinking of what made you angry only prolongs your anger and can make you more upset. However, do not make your partner wait for you to come back from dealing with your anger for more than two hours. It is not fair to make the other person suffer with guilt and worry.

Anger in relationships is not a problem because all couples will have issues that could trigger anger with each other. It is not knowing how to manage this anger that provides difficulties in relationships everywhere.

Dr. Paul Jenkins talks about in the following video about the FAR Model.

This model explains that when you feel frustration, anger and resentment you are tempted to blame someone for having those feelings. This means that is you that you are out of control, specially if there is an anger management issue. This is the bad news: if you who needs to change.

Why Is A Gratitude Journal Important?

 

Need a gratitul journal? check this one

A gratitude journal benefits include being more empathetic, this means that you will be  more  likely to relate to and sympathize with someone. This can lead to better friendships and relationships and therefore you will improve your sense of well being as you feel good about yourself.

A gratitude journal can help to relieve stress, anger, aggression, and other negative emotions by focusing on gratitude each and every day with your journal.  Gratitude journaling encourages you to shift your  emotions and thoughts from what’s stressing you out to what you find valuable in our lives. Your behavior will shift to a positive direction because when you shift your thoughts and emotions your behaviors shift .

 

gratitude journal

Gratitude Journal: 52 Weeks Of Gratitude. 2 Minutes A Day

This gratitude journal will help you to focus on being thankful for what you have. Each day contains an space to write 3 things you are thankful for . Every week contains an inspiration quote about gratitude to keep you inspire and a space to write your reflection of the week.

Read more 

Resources

Do you need help  managing your anger? Go to Online Therapy    The whole operation is based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to  help you to identify, challenge and overcome your dysfunctional thoughts, behaviors and emotions. When you register for the first time you get 20% off. You not only get a therapist , you get access to the following:

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Click here for more information 

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