Overcoming Fear of Abandonment: What you need to do
Fear of abandonment is a phenomenon common among people which causes extreme fear to be left alone. Whether it’s a romantic, familial, or platonic relationships, people with Borderline Personality Disorder feels the intense emotional need to always be by their family, friend or lover’s side to the point that they become possessive and clingy which can result to strained relationship if situation is not properly handled.
Fear of being abandoned can also work the other way. Studies show that people who have this disorder have tendencies to be emotionally unavailable for relationships.
People who suffer this disorder are too afraid to get involved. They hold back emotions because of the fear of being left alone in the end. The result is, they break free at the first sign of their defenses going down.
The fear usually stems from childhood histories of abandonment or repeated rejection. As the child grows old, he brings the painful memories with him and builds high walls surrounding him, keeping him away from other people. Some cases manifest reverse behavior though, there are grown up and seemingly mature people, who exhibit clingy, childlike behavior at the first sign of a loved one leaving him or her.
This can create troublesome scenarios especially if you don’t know how to deal with it, or worse, if you are not even aware that your loved one is experiencing that fear. How will you know if the person you love has fear of abandonment?. Consider the following factors.
- Panic Attacks. People suffering from this fear often exhibit compulsive behavior towards the person they cared for. Instances where a delayed call back or failing in picking up phone calls are enough reasons to trigger panic attacks to the person involved.
- Emotional Pressure. When the person suffering from this disorder feels that the object of their affection are slowly breaking away from them, they resort to threatening to hurt themselves in an effort to keep their loved one from abandoning them.
- Continuous manifestation of insecurity in the relationship. People with this fear often seek for reassurance that the people they cared for love them and would never leave them.
- People suffering from fear of abandonment can either manifest clingy behavior towards relationship or carefree, unattached behavior towards it. A person suffering from this disorder may try to cover up their fear by showing toughness and jump from relationships to relationships without caring about rejecting their partners.
So now that you can determine if your loved one has Borderline Personality Disorder, what can you do to help them?. It can be a long process of healing but keep in mind that people who have this disorder are often not capable fighting the urges by themselves.
As someone that understands, you should support them. You can accompany them to seek professional help to properly manage their fears. Also, help them find people whom you trust that can provide appreciation and love as you both go through the process of healing. Most importantly, keep an open communication with them. Talk to them about their problems. Reassure, understand and love unconditionally.