Passive Aggressive Anger
Anger is a normal and healthy human emotion. It should not therefore be a problem because it is a natural response to a threat or danger and allows people to fight and defend themselves from attack.
People have different ways or approaches to deal with anger. These approaches are expressing, calming or suppressing. The best and healthiest of the three is expressing your anger assertively. Expressing anger does not mean being aggressive, demanding or hurting other people in the process.
Some people suppress their anger by holding it in, do not think about it and move on doing other things. The problem with this approach is that the anger could be redirected inwardly and you could end up being angry with no one but yourself. This will then lead to different problems like depression, hypertension and high blood pressure.
You can also choose to calm yourself, which means that you do not just control the outward manifestations of anger but also the internal responses of the body to it as well. Calming can be done by taking steps to lower your blood pressure and taking deep breaths until feelings subside and you get a better perspective of things.
People are aware of the effects of aggressive anger which is what people actually mean when they think of the word anger. It is characterized by outbursts and is commonly referred to as bad temper. Some people would really try to avoid aggressive anger but unconsciously resort to another kind which is passive anger. Below is a discussion of passive aggressive anger. The symptoms of passive anger are:
- Cold and indifferent behavior – Those with passive anger would give the cold shoulder and avoid eye contact. They know that others get annoyed with their silence and indifference. They become evasive so others will not bother them.
- Ineffectualness - They have a tendency to procrastinate and be lazy. Other people are expected to adjust to their pace and manner of doing things. These people will do their work half heartedly and without consideration to others.
- Secretive behavior – Complaining behind people's backs but refusing to face them is another symptom of passive anger. They are prone to gossiping and putting people down. They also try to dampen their feelings with substance abuse.
Manipulating – Sometimes, they say what others want to hear but then go on to do their own thing. Some of them could also fake their emotions and may resort to emotional blackmail. Aggressive anger is the kind of anger that involves exploding, intimidation and rage. Its symptoms could be any of the following:
- Threats – frightening people by threatening them bodily harm or destroying their property
- Bullying – using power to frighten while playing on other's weakness, shouting and shoving
- Road rage – excessive honking or use of car horn, speeding and tailgating
- Intention to hurt – physical violence, blaming unjustly, breaking a confidence, playing loud music, ignoring other people's feelings
- Vengeance – refusing to forgive and forget what is seen as other people's wrongdoing
- Unpredictability – rage over minor matters, inflicting harm on others in the expression of anger, random attacks on other people
There is nothing wrong with anger; you just need to keep it under control. Knowing the dangers that passive aggressive anger presents should leave you wanting to address anger issues the healthy way.